From People-Pleasing to Self-Acceptance: The Power of Yoga in Healing Samskaras

by Julia Jonson, Yoga Educator, E-RYT 500

One of the most profound truths I’ve learned through yoga is this: we all carry patterns—called samskaras in Sanskrit—that shape the way we think, feel, and act. These aren’t random habits. They’re deeply ingrained impressions formed over years, sometimes decades, of repeated reactions, choices, and experiences. They live deep in the subconscious, like grooves carved into stone.

And here’s the thing: most of us want an easier answer. A quick fix. Something that will make the discomfort disappear overnight. But that’s not how real healing works.

These patterns, our samskaras, were built slowly over time, and they don’t dissolve in an instant. They harden like concrete because they’ve been reinforced again and again, often without us even realizing it. Fortunately, yoga teaches us that our will and intention are mighty tools. Change is possible, but it requires conscious effort, discipline, and compassion for yourself along the way.

Yes, healing can happen faster than it took to create the pattern, but there’s no shortcut. Quick fixes tend to skim the surface. If you aren’t willing to dig deep into your emotional trenches—to face the truths that have been hiding in the shadows—this work will feel hard. And even if you are ready, it’s still hard. The hardest part, in my experience, is staying inspired to keep going when progress feels slow.

Yoga reminds us that transformation is built thought by thought, breath by breath, action by action. Step by step, we create the new us.

My Samskaras: People-Pleasing, Perfectionism, and Overachieving

Let me share something personal. Some of my most stubborn samskaras have been people-pleasing, perfectionism, and overachieving. These patterns formed early.

I grew up with the pain of having my dad live nearby but not choose to be an integral part of my life. My little-girl heart decided: If I can just be extra good, extra pleasing, maybe people will stay. Maybe they’ll love me the way I need.

That belief followed me into adulthood. It showed up everywhere—my relationships, my work, even how I communicated as a teacher. I thought being “nice” meant saying yes, avoiding conflict, smoothing things over—even when it left me feeling depleted or unseen. And because I wanted approval so badly, I pushed myself to achieve more, do more, be more—always chasing an invisible finish line that never really came.

Yoga changed that. Not overnight, and not without discomfort, but through years of practice, self-study (svadhyaya), and the guidance of loving teachers (plus some good therapy), I started to see the patterns clearly.

And then came the real challenge: doing something about them. I’ve learned that I can still be kind, generous, and loving—and also be assertive and direct. I can set boundaries and speak truthfully without losing my integrity. And here’s the medicine part: I’ve had to be okay with people being mad at me. Even with people not liking me.

I’ve also had to learn that I am enough—even when I’m not perfect, even when I’m not overachieving, even when some family members might still carry their own judgments or negative thoughts about me. That’s been hard to accept, but it’s also been freeing. My worth isn’t determined by anyone else’s opinion. And also, I still have a lot of work to do in this arena, and I know it will be a lifelong process. 

What Yoga Offers

Yoga gives us the tools to heal and grow. Yoga’s deeper practices of mindfulness, meditation, karma yoga (conscious action), and all of the wonderful nervous system soothing techniques, like asanas and pranayama. It teaches us that when we act from awareness, when we live in alignment with our truth, we start to dissolve those old samskaras and create new, healthier patterns. I’ve also learned that “catching myself” is a practical spiritual tool. I know I’ll slip into my old ways from time to time. However, I can forgive myself, move and and do better next time. 

For me, the gift of yoga has been the continual process of growing in awareness, coupled with discipline, study, and community. It’s given me acceptance around my family of origin—and a healthy dose of letting go. Letting them be who they are, even when it hurts. Because it will always hurt. But now I know: I’ve done my best, I’ve stayed true to myself, and that is enough.

This is what yoga can offer you, too. Not a quick fix, but a lifelong path of awareness, authenticity, and healing. And it starts with a single step: your willingness to look within, and the courage to keep going.